Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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