I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
