The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
