i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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