So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
