I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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