bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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