In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
