I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
