I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize