Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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