I'm going to jail i love you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
