its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
