Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
