Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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