Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
