My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize