It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
