He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
