Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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