help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
