I'm pants shitting drunk right now
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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