that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
even my farts smell like vagina
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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