apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
