I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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