And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
