I wish you could order shots online.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
