At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
