We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
