Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize