i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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