My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
