trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
