He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
