I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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