You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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