i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
