I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
