dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
