True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
