he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
