You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wear drunk well.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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