i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
