White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
