my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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