if i can run in heels then i can drive
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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