My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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