first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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