I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
