Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
