Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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