when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
