When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
