My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
