i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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