Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
