I puked a lego.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Everclear isn't food dammit
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
