Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
