At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
