Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
