i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
