Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
