I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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