I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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