she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
