I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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