Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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