As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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