Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
